Tag Archives: building relationships

Under the Radar (GAME)


Audience

Teens, Adults

Time

30-35 minutes
Description

This game helps participants to understand how challenging it is to get feedback “in under the radar” without raising the intended recipient’s defensiveness.  Participants will enjoy trying to get beanbags into a target.  The beanbags represent their feedback, and the target represents the recipient’s heart.

Scriptures

o  Proverbs 15:1, 18; 21:23

Materials

o  Beanbags (three per team – if you can’t find beanbags to buy, you can make simple ones with small ziplock bags or drawstring bags filled with beans or rice)

o  Posterboard (1 sheet per team)

o  Markers (2-3 – Red, Green and Black if you want it)

o  Masking tape

o  Note cards (3 per team)

o  A bag or pouch with material that you cannot see through (1 per team)

o  Scissors

o  Bible

Preparation

o  Create a target on the posterboard.  Start with a 6” x 6” circle in the middle.  Then draw concentric circles around it, making each new one about 6” bigger all around.

o  Write point values in each of the circles.  The center circle is worth 50 points.  The next, bigger circle is worth 25.  The next, bigger circle is worth 15.  The next one is worth 10, and if you have any edge left on the poserboard, you can mark that worth 5 points.

o  Buy or make your bean bags.

o  Place the posterboard targets on the ground, and mark a boundary for the throwers with a piece of tape on the floor.  It should be about 8-10 feet away from the target.

o  Mark three more lines of tape on the floor at 25%, 50% and 75% of the way between the throwing line and the target.

o  Cut the notecards in half, and put a large, colored dot on each one (Make 3 with RED dots and 3 with GREEN dots for each group.)

o  Mix up the 6 half-cards, and put them into a bag/pouch.

o  Practice the script.

Procedure

Use the following script (or modify to suit your needs):

  • “Giving feedback isn’t easy.”
  • “We want our feedback to be taken to heart by the person we are giving it to.”
  • “Their heart is our target.”
  • “If the feedback doesn’t make it to their heart, they won’t do anything about it.”
  • “And even when we give feedback with a pure heart and a desire to help the other person, there is no guarantee that our feedback will hit its target.”
  • “There are many things that can rise up and block our feedback from reaching its target, and one of the most common obstacles is defensiveness.”  (Ask a volunteer to come to the front and represent the person to whom you want to give feedback.)
  • “When we are trying to send our feedback to its target…”  (Demonstrate “feedback” flying through the air in the direction of the volunteer with your hand.) “…if we don’t skillfully send it into the target area, the person’s defensiveness radar will see it coming….”  (Have the volunteer make a beeping sound to represent a radar system, and ask them to speed up their beeping as you get closer.) “…and the defensive walls will go up!”  (Have the volunteer put up their hands and block your feedback from reaching its target.  Then, thank and dismiss the volunteer.)
  • “So, let’s play a game that demonstrates this difficulty.”
  • “It’s called ‘Under the Radar,’ and your goal is to throw a beanbag onto a target to earn points.”
  • “You will have to stand here at this line to make your throw and try to hit that target.”  (Demonstrate so that participants get the idea.)
  • “That would be challenging by itself, but it’s more difficult than that.”
  • “I’m going to divide you into a team of three and then make you compete against another team of three.”
  • “Three people will get a chance to throw their ‘feedback’ onto the target, and the team that they are competing against will get a chance to block them.”
  • “Here’s how it will work.”
  • “Each person throwing will get three chances to hit the target, but before they throw, they have to draw three cards out of this bag.”
  • “Inside the bag are eight (6) notecards – three with RED dots and three with GREEN dots.”
  • “If they draw a card with a RED dot, the other team gets to put a person on one of the strips of tape between the throwing line and the target.“
  • “This person represents defensiveness on the part of the person receiving the feedback.”
  • “They have to stand on the tape, but they can do whatever they can from that point to try to block your ‘feedback’ from reaching its target.”
  • “If the person throwing draws two RED dots, two of the opposing team get to stand on the tape marks (different ones).”
  • “If he/she draw three RED dots, three of the opposing team get to stand on the tape marks.”
  • “If less than three RED dots are drawn in the three draws, not all opposing team members will get to stand on the tape marks.”
  • “Those not on tape marks are not allowed to interfere with the throws.”
  • “GREEN cards are good for the throwing team and keep the opposing team off the tape marks.”
  • “After drawing three cards from the bag, the thrower should make three throws and see how close to the center of the target that he/she can get while trying to avoid the defenses of the opposing team members on the tape marks.”
  • “After that team member has made their three shots, add up the total points.”
  • “Then, move the opposing team members off the tape marks, and let the other two team members take turns drawing three cards and take three throws while avoiding the defenses of any opposing players who get onto tape marks because of RED dot cards.”
  • “When all three team members have thrown, the opposing team gets their turn to throw and see how many points they can accumulate.”
  • “The team that has the most total points (from all nine throws) wins.”
  • “Any questions?” (After addressing questions, divide the group into groups of three and pair up the teams of three against each other.  Then, have them choose who will throw first and let them play.  When they are done, recognize or reward the winning teams, and have them return to their seats to work through the following debrief questions.)

Debrief Questions

1. What was challenging about the game?

2. If you compare the game to giving someone feedback, what comparisons can you make?

3. What types of things make people’s defensiveness go up?

4. How can you give feedback in a way that won’t make people defensive?

5. Read Proverbs 15:1, 18 and 21:23.  Do these Scriptures give you any additional ideas?

Summary

  • “Sometimes, you only get once chance to send that feedback in there, so you want to make sure that it has the best chance possible of hitting it’s target.”
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Filed under acceptance, conflict management, Conflict Resolution, discipleship, Evaluation, Game, Games that Teach, Hands-on, heart, Humility, leadership, Relationships, self-image, Spiritual Growth, team, Transformation

Win-Lose (GAME)


Time
20-30 minutes

Description
This game helps participants understand different responses to conflict.  (You can also use this as a game to illustrate the different strategies in negotiation.)

Audience
Children, youth, adults

Materials
•    Beads (20 per person plus 40 per group – in other words, if you have six people in a group, you will need 160 beads – 20 per person and 40 to go in the middle).  You can also use coins, rice, beans… anything that you have lots and lots of.
•    Dice (one per group – I recommend fuzzy dice.  They are more fun to play with.)
•    Flipchart or whiteboard
•    Marker
•    Copies of the “Debrief Questions” page at the end of this lesson
•    (Optional) A prizes(s) for the winning team(s)

Preparation
•    Make copies of the “Debrief Questions” page at the end of this lesson (one copy per table group).
•    Count out the beads, and put enough for the gate at each table.
•    Put a die at each table.
•    Write the following on a flipchart or whiteboard:
o    1 – Win-Win (Everyone gets 1 bead from center.)
o    2 – Win-Lose (Everyone gives you 1 bead.)
o    3 – Lose-Win (You give everyone 1 bead.)
o    4 – Lose-Lose (Everyone puts 1 bead in the center.)
o    5 – Compromise (You give 1 bead to the center and pick 2 other people to put one bead in the center.)
o    6 – You Choose (Choose your own conflict response, and do what it says.)
•    Practice the script.

Procedure
Use the following script (or modify to suit your needs):
•    (Divide the participants into table groups of 4-6 people each.)
•    “We’re going to play a game that will illustrate peoples’ different responses to conflict.”
•    “Different people respond in different ways when they come into conflict.”
•    “Many go for ‘Win-Lose.’  ‘I win; you lose.’  They want to win the conflict even if it means that the other person has to lose.”
•    “Many others go for ‘Lose-Win.’  ‘I lose; you win.’  They just let the other person win, because they don’t like conflict or confrontation.  It’s easier just to give up the fight.”
•    “Some go for ‘Compromise.’  ‘We both lose some of what we wanted, but at least we get a resolution to the conflict.’  Neither party gets exactly what they wanted in ‘Compromise,’ but the conflict gets resolved or the task gets done.  Sometimes that’s enough.”
•    “Some even go for ‘Lose-Lose.’ ‘I lose; you lose.’  This one seems crazy, but people will often choose this response when they are upset that they can’t win.  It’s like they are saying, ‘If I can’t have what I want, I’ll make sure no one gets what they want!’”
•    “And a very few people go for ‘Win-Win.’  ‘I win; you win.’  I say very few people go for it, because it’s very difficult to do.  It takes patience, creativity and a willingness to truly listen and understand to the other person before making a decision.  However, this is usually the best response to conflict, because everyone gets what they want (or even something better).”
•    “On your table, you have lots of beads.”
•    “I would like for everyone at the table to count out 20 beads for himself or herself.”  (Wait for everyone to count out his or her beads.  There should be at least 40 left in the middle of the table.)
•    “The game we are about to play is called, ‘Win-Lose,’ and your objective is to win.”
•    “The person at the table who first collects 40 beads is the winner.”
•    “You gain or lose beads by rolling the die (singular for dice) and doing one of six things listed on the flipchart / whiteboard.”
•    “If you roll a one, you choose a Win-Win response to conflict, and everyone at the table benefits by getting a bead from the center.”
•    “If you roll a two, you choose a Win-Lose response to conflict, and everyone gives you one of their beads.”
•    “If you roll a three, you choose a Lose-Win response to conflict, and you give everyone at the table one bead.”
•    “If you roll a four, you choose a Lose-Lose response to conflict, and everyone had to put a bead back into the center.”
•    “If you roll a five, you choose a Compromise response to conflict, and you need to put a bead in the center.  You will also pick two other people to put a bead in the center.”
•    “If you roll a six, you get to pick your conflict response.  You then have to do what the flipchart / whiteboard says for that conflict response.  For example, if you choose ‘Win-Lose,’ then you should collect a bead from everyone at the table.”
•    “To determine who goes first, you will each roll the die.  The highest roll goes first.  If you have a tie for the highest roll, have just those people continue to roll to determine who goes first.”
•    “After the first person goes, the person on his/her left will go next, and play will continue clockwise around the table.”
•    “Play continues until someone accumulates 40 beads.  That person is the winner.”
•    “Does anyone have any questions about how to play?”  (Answer questions.)
•    “Okay, then you can start rolling the die to see who goes first.”  (If they finish the first round quickly and you have the time, let them play several rounds.  Then, award a prize to the winners if you choose.  Pass out the Debrief Questions sheet to each group, and allow them 10-15 minutes to talk about the questions.  Then ask the large group for any general insights from the activity.”

Debrief Questions

o    How does this game reflect real conflict situations?
o    When people got to choose the conflict response they used, what did they usually choose?  Why?  What can you learn from this?
o    What consequences are there for people who always use the following approaches to conflict?
•    Win-Lose
•    Lose-Win
•    Lose-Lose
•    Compromise
o    How do people generally feel about others who use these conflict responses on a regular basis?
o    Why don’t more people approach conflict from a Win-Win perspective?
o    What are the benefits of using a Win-Win approach?
o    What could you do to increase the frequency with which you use Win-win?

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Filed under conflict management, Conflict Resolution, Coping skills, Game, Games that Teach, Relationships

Emotional Banking (GAME)


Time
30-45 minutes

Description
This game helps participants understand the concept of Emotional Bank Accounts (EBAs).

Audience
Children, youth, adults

Materials
•    500 “Credits” for each team in the following denominations and amounts (100 Credit Bill (1), 50 Credit Bills (4), 20 Credit Bills (5), 10 Credit Bills (10)).  See the file “Emotional Banking Credits Currency” on the Lesson and Material Downloads page for printouts of the credits.
•    Copy of “Give a Big Hug” cards (two for each team – they are in the same file as above.)
•    Copy of “Emotional Banking Rule” (one per team – see printout at the end of this lesson)
•    Copy of “Debrief Questions” (one per team – see printout at the end of this lesson)
•    Envelopes for each team (one per team)
•    Markers
•    Flipchart
•    (Optional) A prizes(s) for the winning team(s)

Preparation
•    Prepare an envelope for each team.
o    Count out 500 “Credits” in the following denominations and amounts (100 Credit Bill (1), 50 Credit Bills (4), 20 Credit Bills (5), 10 Credit Bills (10)).
o    Place all “Credits” in the team’s envelope.
o    Place one “Give a Big Hug” card in the team’s envelope.
•    Prepare a Scoring flipchart or whiteboard for each round like the one pictured below.  (You will need five (5) total scoring grids.)
•    Practice the script.

ROUND 1    Team 1    Team 2    Team 3    Team 4
Starting
Balance
Deposit Made
(-)
Deposit Received (+)
Winner?
(Y/N)
Bonus
(+)
Penalty
(-)
Net
Balance

Procedure
Use the following script (or modify to suit your needs):
•    (Divide group into an even number of teams, and number or name the teams.  Group sizes are best between 4-6, but you could run the game with a “team” as small as one person.  Teams will be competing against each other to have the largest remaining balance.)
•    “We are going to play a game that will help us to understand some of the ideas behind an Emotional Bank Account (EBA).”
•    “If you are familiar with what a normal bank account is, you’ll be able to easily understand what an EBA is.”
•    “An EBA is an account that a person sets up in their mind when they meet someone.”
•    “Just like with a normal bank account, they then make deposits into that account and take withdrawals from it.”
•    “The balance in the account goes up and down depending upon whether or not the two people have good or bad experiences with each other.”
•    “Good experiences become deposits in the EBA, and the people will feel good about each other.
•    “Bad experiences become withdrawals from the EBA, and the people will feel bad about each other.”
•    “Does this make sense?” (Answer questions if anyone is lost.)
•    “EBAs are important for Christians to think about, because we want build relationships with other Christians and with people outside the Church.”
•    “If we are always taking withdrawals from other peoples’ accounts, it will be difficult for us to worship with them, work with them, minister to them or get them to trust our Savior.”
•    “As much as possible, we should be making deposits in their accounts.”
•    “This is likely to happen if we are showing them unconditional love in the same way that Jesus has shown unconditional love to us.”
•    “So, back to our game…”
•    “Each group is a team, and each team is in competition with every other team to end the game with the most “Credits” in your EBA.”
•    “’Credits’ look like these (show a few Credits), and each team is receiving an envelope with exactly 500 Credits in it.”  (Pass out envelopes.)
•    “While you are competing against all other teams for your final EBA balance, you will only be exchanging envelopes with one other team during each round.”
•    “Which team that is could change from round to round, but you will only exchange with one other team.”  (Designate which teams will pair with which other teams during Round 1.  You can simply pick the teams that are closest to each other.)
•    “Before you exchange envelopes each round, you will put a deposit of Credits into it.”
•    “It is important that you make a bigger deposit in your envelope than the deposit the other team makes to you, because an additional bonus will be awarded to the team giving the highest deposit between the two of you.”
•    “This will help us demonstrate the principle of sowing and reaping from Galatians 6:9-10, where Paul tells: ‘Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.’
•    “If you do good to the team you trade with, you will reap a harvest when I announce the bonus for that round.”  (If they ask, you can tell them that the bonus amount will change each round.)
•    “But Paul also says in Galatians 6:7-8, ‘Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.’”
•    “If you do bad to the team you trade with, you will reap destruction when I announce the bonus for that round, because you will have to pay it out of your Credits.”
•    “So, the team making the biggest deposit will reap a bonus, and the team making the smallest deposit will reap a penalty.”
•    “Does that make sense to everyone?”  (Check for understanding.)
•    “A few rules for the exchanges:
o    “A team cannot make a deposit to another team that is more than the total amount of Credits they have.  For example, if the other team has 200 Credits, you cannot make a deposit of 250 Credits.  That wouldn’t be fair to them.”
o    “Teams have each received in their envelopes two cards that say, ‘Give a Big Hug,’ on them.  They can put this card in the envelope with their deposit if they want to, but it will only be effective if there is a tie between the two teams.  In the event of a tie (i.e., both teams gave the same deposit), the team who ‘gave a big hug’ will receive the win.”
o    “Teams can reuse ‘Give a Big Hug’ cards given to them by other teams.”
•    “I will keep totals for each round on the flipcharts / whiteboard at the front of the room.”
•    “Here’s a copy of the rules of the game to help you strategize as a team.”  (Hand out ‘Emotional Banking Rules’ sheet to each team.)
•    “Are there any questions?”
•    “Then, let’s begin.  You have three minutes to come up with your team’s strategy for Round 1.”  (Allow three minutes for strategy.  At the end of the strategy time, have them put their deposits in the envelopes and trade with the team with which you paired them.  Have someone from each team come up to the flipchart / whiteboard and write in the ‘Deposit Made’ and ‘Deposit Received’ for their team.)
•    (If there is a tie, ask if anyone ‘gave a big hug.’  The team that ‘gave a big hug’ gets the win.  Mark the winning teams on the flipchart / whiteboard.)
•    (Announce the Bonus / Penalty for the round according to the following amounts:
o    Round 1 – 50 Credits
o    Round 2 – 200 Credits
o    Round 3 – 120 Credits
o    Round 4 – 240 Credits
o    Round 5 – 350 Credits
•    (Add these amounts as a Bonus to the winning teams and as a Penalty to the losing teams.  Then, tally the scores for the round, and announce them to the teams.  Follow this process after each round.)
•    (Between rounds, allow three minutes each time for strategic planning.)
•    (You can have the same teams trade with each other each round, or you can mix it up.  If you decide to change which teams are paired for each round, be sure you remember which teams are paired when you do the scoring.)
•    (After the final round, announce the winning team and award a prize if you choose.  Pass out the ‘Debrief Questions’ sheet to each team, and ask them to spend ten minutes going through the questions.)
•    (Then, as a large group, ask for general insights about Emotional Bank Accounts.  Some points that you might want to bring out if they aren’t mentioned are:
o    “Even large deposits can be a withdrawal from the other person’s account if they are less than we are expecting or less than we feel we have put into the relationship.  For example, you might be disappointed if you thought your reward for cleaning the garage was going to be a trip to an amusement park but then found out it was just a week without chores.”
o    “While the amounts we used for the game were measureable, the size of deposits and withdrawals in real life EBAs is highly subjective and based on each person’s expectations and what they tell themselves about WHY we did what we did.  For example, you might tell someone that they look very nice today and be surprised to find that they interpreted that as a withdrawal from their account, because they suspected that you only complimented them in order to get something in return.”
o    “Sometimes we get so far behind in a relationship that it is impossible to catch up without many, many consistent deposits over a long time.  However, we can also hope for forgiveness, which restores our deposits to our account right away.”
o    “Making deposits in other peoples’ accounts is not really about strategy; it’s about a genuine motive to improve the relationship.  This activity was a simulation to help us experience just a few of the aspects of EBAs, but it wasn’t supposed to be a perfect picture of them.”

Debrief Questions

1.    How was this activity like making deposits and withdrawals from Emotional Bank Accounts (EBAs)?
2.    When you believe you’ve given more to a relationship than the other person, how does this affect your feelings about the relationship?
3.    When you believe you’ve given less to a relationship than the other person, how does this affect your feelings about the relationship?
4.    How did the other team’s history of giving impact your level of giving?  Does this relate to real relationships in any way?
5.    If this had not been a competitive activity, what would have changed about your strategy?
6.    Was there anything about the “Give a Big Hug” option that was similar to real life?
7.    What additional lessons can you take away from this activity?

Emotional Banking Rules

o    Your goal is to finish the game with the most “Credits” in y our Emotional Bank Account (EBA).
o    There will be five rounds.
o    The amount of deposit you choose to make is entirely up to you (as long as it doesn’t break the next rule), but the team should have consensus about it.
o    You cannot make a deposit greater than the total of the other team’s balance.
o    Your deposit should be placed in your envelope before trading begins.
o    If you choose to “Give a Big Hug,” put the “Give a Big Hug” card in the envelope with your deposit.
o    Envelopes will be exchanged at the same time so that not team has an advantage.
o    Scoring will be done as follows:
o    The team making the largest of the two deposits will receive a bonus.  (The amount will change each round, and the facilitator will not reveal how much it is until the round is completed.)
o    The team making the smallest of the two deposits will receive a penalty.  It will be the same amount as the bonus of the winning team.
o    The team receiving the penalty will pay the other team their bonus.
o    In the event of a tie, a team that “gave a big hug” will receive the win.
o    Teams can reuse the “Give a Big Hug” cards that they get from other teams.
o    The facilitator will keep a record of all deposits, bonuses and penalties on a score chart.

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Filed under Agape Love, Christianity, Game, Games that Teach, Kindness, Love, Relationships, unconditional love